Hell to the R-Words

***As published in RVA Mag*** [WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] Kirk Cousins walked a little slower than normal into the R-Words facility, his head bouncing back and forth from one side of his chest to the other.  On his way in, he kicked … Continue reading Hell to the R-Words

Top 16 Reasons Why the R-Words Are Terrible

The R-Words are 1-5, and dipping back into last season, have lost 18 of their last 22 games.  Winning only four games over the last two seasons is the worst record of any NFL team.  Luckily, misery has company.  The Raiders and Jaguars have also only won four.  This is a hilarious statistic.  Seriously, laugh. … Continue reading Top 16 Reasons Why the R-Words Are Terrible

To Scramble, You’ve Got to Break Some Legs

"Just a cup of coffee, please," Robert Griffin III told the waitress behind the bar.  He eased his broken body onto the bar stool at the Washington D.C. breakfast diner, but he wasn't hungry.  He had slept poorly the night before after watching his Washington R-Words fall to the Seattle Seahawks, yet again.  He couldn't break his … Continue reading To Scramble, You’ve Got to Break Some Legs

Captain’s Log Stinks So Bad, Fans Leave Early

"He's ready for you," said a suited, serious man, holding the door barely ajar which read: Dan Snyder, Owner. "But it's so dark in there," responded Robert Griffin III, pointing with his right crutch. A broken, cackling laughter emerged from the seemingly pitch black room.  The disturbing sound was then consumed by the erupting cheering of … Continue reading Captain’s Log Stinks So Bad, Fans Leave Early

Griffin Attempts to Turn Clock Back, Hurts Self Again

[WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] "Baylor statue, these clock hands are huge!" said Robert.  Everyone knows RGIII always says, "Baylor statue," when he's frustrated, so no one below flinched.  Granted, they were hundreds of feet below.  No one probably heard the 2012 … Continue reading Griffin Attempts to Turn Clock Back, Hurts Self Again

Griffin Dips Beak in New Offense, Drowns

[WARNING: I will continue to use the term, "R-Words," throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore]"Well, he promised he would take care of me."Everyone in the circle nods and mhm's.  "I don't know.  He was just so charming.  There were times when he made me really happy."Mhm."I think I'm breaking free … Continue reading Griffin Dips Beak in New Offense, Drowns