****** As published in RVA Mag ****** Humans tend to suppress difficult times in their memory. Places, people, and things connected to these dark times, when encountered, tend to precipitate flashes in our brains, bolstering the suspicion that, yes, I was surgically engineered in a lab as a military weapon where they wiped my prior memory. … Continue reading R-Words 2014 Season Recap: A Time to Kill
Redskins
A Dan Snyder X-Mas Carol
******* Now a Kindle eBook on Amazon.com ******* It was an abnormally cold night, even for FedEx Field in December. And unfortunately for one Daniel Snyder, the offices were no refuge from it. Ticket sales were down. Robert Griffin III jersey sales, once the cash cow of the franchise, had halted. The team name was … Continue reading A Dan Snyder X-Mas Carol
Tail of the Tape Worm
****** As Published in RVA Mag ****** Much like the plot of every M. Night Shyamalan film since The Village, the R-Words are full of holes. Blame has been hurled at every Washington coach, owner, player, and manager. Some even believe there is an evil hex on the team. I know, ridiculous, right? A curse on the team. How … Continue reading Tail of the Tape Worm
A Chance to Say Goodbye is All We Want for X-Mas
****** As Published in RVA Mag ****** X-Mas has come early, R-Words fans. We typically have to wait until January for the off-season, the real football season for the R-Words, to start. This year, the off-season is in full swing as R-Words fans are adorning their X-Mas trees with X-Mas lights. Washington fans everywhere are waking up from hibernation, their cryogenic sleep … Continue reading A Chance to Say Goodbye is All We Want for X-Mas
The Fall of RGIII
****** As Published in RVA Mag ****** What a ride, R-Words. The benching of RGIII signals the end of the roller coaster, a sudden stop that jolts our upper bodies forward over the waist harness. Our hair is frazzled, our eyes are wide, and we left our stomachs at the top of one of those drops behind … Continue reading The Fall of RGIII
Griffin Gets New R-Word Name: Sitting Duck
**** As published in RVA Mag **** [WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] The term "bye week" evidently originated in cricket. It's a moment in the game where the "batsman," which is the name I think Batman must go by in England, can … Continue reading Griffin Gets New R-Word Name: Sitting Duck
Verily, Verily, Griffin Will Return
"He won't eat his dinner," Tanya Snyder said to her husband, Dan, as he walked into the Snyder manor front door. "How was he with his tutors?" Dan asked, pushing his glasses up onto his nose and crossing his arms. Tanya's head tilted toward Dan, her eyes staring at him bleakly. Apparently, it hadn't gone … Continue reading Verily, Verily, Griffin Will Return
Hell to the R-Words
***As published in RVA Mag*** [WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] Kirk Cousins walked a little slower than normal into the R-Words facility, his head bouncing back and forth from one side of his chest to the other. On his way in, he kicked … Continue reading Hell to the R-Words
Top 16 Reasons Why the R-Words Are Terrible
The R-Words are 1-5, and dipping back into last season, have lost 18 of their last 22 games. Winning only four games over the last two seasons is the worst record of any NFL team. Luckily, misery has company. The Raiders and Jaguars have also only won four. This is a hilarious statistic. Seriously, laugh. … Continue reading Top 16 Reasons Why the R-Words Are Terrible
To Scramble, You’ve Got to Break Some Legs
"Just a cup of coffee, please," Robert Griffin III told the waitress behind the bar. He eased his broken body onto the bar stool at the Washington D.C. breakfast diner, but he wasn't hungry. He had slept poorly the night before after watching his Washington R-Words fall to the Seattle Seahawks, yet again. He couldn't break his … Continue reading To Scramble, You’ve Got to Break Some Legs
