Kirk to Bridge: I’m the Captain Now

[WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] Extra large R-Words defensive tackle, Chris Baker, stood pat.  He had done his job, caused pressure to the quarterback, and now was awaiting the result of Nick Foles' downfield pass.  It was the beginning of the … Continue reading Kirk to Bridge: I’m the Captain Now

Griffin Attempts to Turn Clock Back, Hurts Self Again

[WARNING: I will be using the term "R-Words" throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore] "Baylor statue, these clock hands are huge!" said Robert.  Everyone knows RGIII always says, "Baylor statue," when he's frustrated, so no one below flinched.  Granted, they were hundreds of feet below.  No one probably heard the 2012 … Continue reading Griffin Attempts to Turn Clock Back, Hurts Self Again

Griffin Dips Beak in New Offense, Drowns

[WARNING: I will continue to use the term, "R-Words," throughout this article because I have no idea what's right anymore]"Well, he promised he would take care of me."Everyone in the circle nods and mhm's.  "I don't know.  He was just so charming.  There were times when he made me really happy."Mhm."I think I'm breaking free … Continue reading Griffin Dips Beak in New Offense, Drowns

Say No to Marital Sex: What the People Are Saying

We here at the The Jongle are hot on the trail of what the world is saying in response to our ground-breaking article, "Say No to Marital Sex."  Our interns are constantly sending out google searches that include the words: "sex," "marriage," "every day," "erry day," and "coitus."  When CEO, Jon Allison, pays his daily morale-lifting … Continue reading Say No to Marital Sex: What the People Are Saying